Revelations and Confidence

I've learned a lot about myself over the past few days.  I've done some very personal writing, I've gone on a job interview, and I've eaten reasonably within my calories, even during super bloat week.

The personal writing that I shared among a limited audience inspired friends to come share some personal and raw things with me.  It feels good to know that people feel comfortable enough to come talk to me about things of that nature.  I felt terrible to know that there are so many things that we as humans suffer in silence, and that's a big reason why I'm such an open book with my blogging.  

I was offered the job, but I turned it down.  When I found out what the position was in this interview, I started getting very stressed to the point that my vertigo came back in waves yesterday.  I've had a bit here and there today as well.  Thank goodness for the meds.  They called and offered the position to me this morning.  Though I'm not having the easiest time at my current job, this other job was way too stressful and the little bit of extra money I would have made probably would have gone straight to extra therapy after getting screamed at all day by customers in a micromanaged environment.  I learned what my stress limit is.  While things are far from perfect right now, it's a paycheck with benefits.  I can find a position more suited to me.  It will just take perseverance and work which I am willing to do.  I learned I don't just have to "jump" and be miserable.  If I wasn't employed, I would have taken it, but right now I am lucky enough to be more choosy.

The scale numbers are creeping slowly back to the 48 pound mark.  I just have to watch my sodium intake.  However, my strength is really developing, and I'm doing things I never imagined possible.  I had my husband take this video a week ago at the gym.  

It may be 5 pull-ups that aren't especially strong, but I'm still doing them.  On Tuesday, I did 3 reps of 5.  That was astonishing.  I just bought clothes at Forever 21.  I dressed up in my Mrs Lovett costume this past weekend that I had originally worn when I was 15 pounds smaller (and a lot bulkier in my mid-section).  

It is amazing to see the changes happening to my body, and I'm so proud.

I am capable of so much.  I don't have to settle for second best or just give up if I don't succeed the first time out.  I can take control of my life.  I CAN DO THIS.