Revelations and Confidence

I've learned a lot about myself over the past few days.  I've done some very personal writing, I've gone on a job interview, and I've eaten reasonably within my calories, even during super bloat week.

The personal writing that I shared among a limited audience inspired friends to come share some personal and raw things with me.  It feels good to know that people feel comfortable enough to come talk to me about things of that nature.  I felt terrible to know that there are so many things that we as humans suffer in silence, and that's a big reason why I'm such an open book with my blogging.  

I was offered the job, but I turned it down.  When I found out what the position was in this interview, I started getting very stressed to the point that my vertigo came back in waves yesterday.  I've had a bit here and there today as well.  Thank goodness for the meds.  They called and offered the position to me this morning.  Though I'm not having the easiest time at my current job, this other job was way too stressful and the little bit of extra money I would have made probably would have gone straight to extra therapy after getting screamed at all day by customers in a micromanaged environment.  I learned what my stress limit is.  While things are far from perfect right now, it's a paycheck with benefits.  I can find a position more suited to me.  It will just take perseverance and work which I am willing to do.  I learned I don't just have to "jump" and be miserable.  If I wasn't employed, I would have taken it, but right now I am lucky enough to be more choosy.

The scale numbers are creeping slowly back to the 48 pound mark.  I just have to watch my sodium intake.  However, my strength is really developing, and I'm doing things I never imagined possible.  I had my husband take this video a week ago at the gym.  

It may be 5 pull-ups that aren't especially strong, but I'm still doing them.  On Tuesday, I did 3 reps of 5.  That was astonishing.  I just bought clothes at Forever 21.  I dressed up in my Mrs Lovett costume this past weekend that I had originally worn when I was 15 pounds smaller (and a lot bulkier in my mid-section).  

It is amazing to see the changes happening to my body, and I'm so proud.

I am capable of so much.  I don't have to settle for second best or just give up if I don't succeed the first time out.  I can take control of my life.  I CAN DO THIS.

Recipe Corner: My Go-To Breakfast Smoothie.

The title of this blog is "Sweaters and Smoothies," yet I haven't talked much about smoothies!

I have experimented a bit, asked advice on Facebook, pinned a bunch of recipes on Pinterest, and just randomly googled flavor combinations.  I would like to try more, but right now I have a go-to recipe that I try to drink every weekday morning.  I've noticed a difference in my body when I stop drinking them...apparently I don't get as much fruits and veggies as I should, and this is just a perfect and tasty way to get my nutrients.  I make it last through the morning at work until an hour or so before lunch.

It seems kind of silly to take pictures while I make it because it's ridiculously easy to throw together as long as you add the ingredients in order.

Strawberry-Banana-Peanut Butter Spinach Smoothie (with almond milk, flax, and protein)
Serves: 1  (20 oz)

First, you need the necessary utensils:  kickass blender (Black Friday sale, thank you), 1 cup, 1 tablespoon, and 1 stylish tumbler.

Pour one cup of plain unsweetened almond milk in the blender.  I like it unsweetened because it acts as a liquid base and doesn't make the smoothie overly sweet.  I prefer the kind of almond milk that you get in the dairy case because they tend not to have carrageenan.  That deceptive ingredient is everywhere, especially in almond milk that you can store in a pantry.  I like Trader Joe's brand:

But I really prefer Silk's brand.  It's 30 calories less and tastes nicer.  It's hard to find that at Trader Joe's, so I have to wait until we get to Giant to pick some up.  I'm fine going between the two.

I add a scoop of french vanilla flavored protein next so it absorbs in the liquid faster.  I was recommended this brand by a good friend who works at a health food/supplement store.  I also tried the strawberry and thought it was fine, but I prefer the vanilla.  I just like vanilla in everything!  My trainer prefers that I have whey protein.

Next, I add either 2 tablespoons of flaxseed or 1 tablespoon of chia seeds.  I was using chia seeds for awhile, but Trader Joe's was out of stock before a storm once, and I decided to give flaxseed a go.  I really like them both and can see going between the two.  The chia thickens the smoothie more, and I prefer a thicker texture.  But this flaxseed is just so tasty and healthy as well!

Fruit is next.  I typically hate bananas, but I've realized just how vital they are to giving a smoothie body and texture.  Plus, their health benefits are amazing.  I just hate the smell and taste, so I make sure to overpower it with other flavors.  I use half an organic Chiquita banana (to save on calories and taste).  Sometimes I peel one and freeze the other half, sometimes I actually stop being lazy and just break up and freeze the whole bunch of bananas so I'm always ready.

Next is 3/4 cup of strawberries.  I like getting frozen fruit because then I don't have to use ice (another great tip from a friend), and I don't have to worry about it going bad.  I've been known to throw away things without using them because they spoiled thanks to my kitchen laziness.  Bad habits, waste of money- no good.  Plus, I really should start to follow the motto that Weight Watchers always shared:  "Plan to succeed."  

I love to add a tablespoon of peanut butter for extra protein and flavor.  Smart Balance is my favorite.  I don't mind using the real stuff over the powdered because I only use half a serving, the taste is stronger, and it keeps me fuller longer.

This is the powdered peanut butter I sometimes use- recommended once again by my friend!  It tastes good, if a bit subtle, and has minimal calories and fat in comparison to regular peanut butter.  However, I'm actually more curious to see how it would taste in some of my baking recipes.  I do recommend it if you're looking for an alternative.

I add the greens last.  I tend to go for a big handful of organic baby spinach a lot because of the mild taste.  The final color is unappealing, but the spinach adds amazing nutrients and really cuts the sweetness down.  I have a hard time drinking smoothies without green veggies.  

I've also tried kale and Trader Joe's Power Greens that has kale, spinach, and baby chard.  All of the above is good, but spinach is my favorite.  

Put the lid on, hit blend on low, stop to scrape if necessary, give it a good final pulse....and you're done!

I make these before my shower in the morning so I can put the smoothie in the freezer to thicken for about a half hour.  If it's not a work day, I actually get a few chores done while waiting.  Imagine that!  

This is the nutritional content for this particular smoothie. (with TJ's almond milk, flaxseed, and spinach)

So tell me, what are your favorite smoothies? 

February Wrap Ups and Awesome People Acknowledgments

I only posted twice this month, and that's not like me.  Well, February is the shortest month, and it was a hell month between recovering from surgery, multiple snow storms, a 2 day power outage, and just overall stress.  It also doesn't help that I'm finishing the month during bloat week.  

Let's get right to the numbers and pictures:

February weight loss:  1 pound

Total weight loss:  46 pounds

My husband now wants to make sure we get back shots of me.  He always knows it's photo time when I come downstairs in this purple shirt.  I've decided not to wear it any other time.

At one point, I was actually down 48 pounds.  I have not changed this in my MyFitnessPal app as I intend to swiftly be back to that point.  I have been holding myself accountable with my trainer and her log.  February was the month of NSVs, as I described in my last entry.  I'm not upset with the results.  I know I should hopefully be back to 48 pounds after next week, and I'm really looking forward to hitting the 50 mark.  51 pounds will be my second 10 percent goal, and I will be treating myself to a new tattoo.  I'm already going to see a few Broadway shows in April, so I wanted to treat myself to something different.

This picture is from my desk at work.

The top picture was sent to me on Facebook from my best friend who is a runner, and it means quite a bit to me.  I also find it fun because I do do a 16 minute mile!  The bottom picture was just sent to me on this blog from a fellow blogger, and I just love it.  Success, especially in regards to weight loss, is hardly linear.  It got me thinking about all the outpouring of support I've received for this blog, and I've truly never had more fun writing online in over 10 years.  I know it's only been a couple months, but I've already received 2,000+ hits for this blog, and it feels amazing.  I would like to take a minute to thank those in my life who have been so supportive (and I'm purposely giving them vague anonymity, as I would never want anyone to feel awkward).

To my husband L...you fell in love with me at my heaviest, loved me 45 lbs lighter, married me 50 pounds heavier, and can't keep your hands off me now.  I know that's because I'm gaining self-confidence, and the fact that we can fully wrap our arms around each other is an amazing feeling. You're still not allowed to lift me until I get to onederland.  Thank you for all your love and encouragement and standing by me no matter what.  I love you with all my heart and soul.  

To my trainer D...you have given me so much physical and spiritual guidance.  I look forward to every Tuesday night.  Your patience is unending, and you're very sneaky in how you give me a tough workout without me knowing until halfway through.  You've guided me in building my strength like never before and shaping my body to finally look the way it was meant to look.  

To my bester DB, you've been my cheerleader for way over a decade.  Your pom poms and support are always so positive and make me feel great and accomplished.  I've learned quite a bit from you in terms of healthy eating and exercise, and I love that we enjoy so many of the same healthy organic foods now.  Your the Amy to my Tina!  And of course, your wonderful husband E has been so supportive as well.  Thank you for being my family.  So much love!

To my hofosho AS, I love lamp, and I love you.  You were the first one to say to me last year "Holy crap, look at your tiny waist," and that statement was a game changer for me. I never thought my body was capable of that, and it motivated me all the more.  Thank you for always being there and for being so kind, and thanks also to your wonderful husband I who has been a great ear over the past year with this topic.    

To my person DH, thank you for commiserating with me about this topic and being such a great support in my life.  You've seen me at my tiniest (in what, elementary school? ha), and you've never judged me no matter how big I got.  You've always seen me for me.  Thank you so much for that.

To my bff JK, thank you for telling me your whole family has been enjoying the blog, that means a lot.  You've always been so encouraging of my writing over the years, and I truly appreciate it.  We don't discuss weight a great deal, but knowing that you notice and encourage my journey means a great deal.

To my bestie BM, you have been nothing but loving and encouraging to me for all the years we've been friends.  Rather than get mushy, I'd really prefer to do a bunch of inside jokes in a Samantha Jones voice, so I'll just leave it at this:  I adore you.  Thank you.

To my nan...thank you for finally saying that I'm shaping up and looking good.  We've had a rocky journey in regards to discussing weight, but the fact that you can see how I'm changing (and how you want to steal my sweaters when they get too big) means a lot.  You'll never see this, but I love you with all my heart, and I'm glad you're seeing my progress.

To my in-laws V & B...thank you for the kindness and encouragement in this journey.  I wish I could be as athletic as you guys, but I appreciate that you see our differences and support me in all my accomplishments that I've been slowly making.  It means so much to me.  To my brother-in-law B, thank you for telling me even as far back as June what "fucking great" progress I've been making.  I know you don't just say things like that, and I truly appreciate your noticing and making sure to let me know.  Love you guys.

To all my cousins on the other coast, I really wish I got to see you more, and I appreciate all your support, "likes," comments, and everything you do to let me know that you care from 3000 miles away.  Thank you, and I love you all!!!  To my husband's cousin SG- thank you for always supporting me on here!  I hope I can meet you soon.  And to JR, you look amazing, and thank you for always listening to me about anything!

To LK and AK...thank you for being back in my life and so present and attentive.  I love you guys so damn much, and A- I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished as well!

To JC, thank you for the encouragement and support.  It means a lot that you read this.  To your hubby RC, thank you for asking me on Halloween where the rest of me went.  I hadn't seen you guys in 10 months, and it felt really good to hear that.  You guys are awesome.

To AS, thank you for making me feel like a rock star a few weeks ago.  You're a goddamn gorgeous superstar as far as I'm concerned, and I love you.

To CB and KR, thank you for getting me into the world of weight loss apps.  You both look fabulous, and I truly appreciate all the input.

To DS and HRB, thank you for all the advice regarding running and shoes, etc. I keep your advice in mind often and know that this is not a competition, that this is for me.

To NP, thank you for acknowledging how much more weight I've lost every time I see you...I'm practically blushing and going OH YOU.  You're awesome, bear.

To MM, it means a lot that your awesome sensei self has complimented me so profusely over the year.  We miss you!

To my old high school pals HS, AF, and AJ....thank you ladies for constantly supporting me on my entries and accomplishments.  I've loved chatting with you about this, and I know you will be accomplishing all your similar goals as well!!  Remember, we all got this.  To DG, thank you for being the inspiration for this blog.  Your blog was so honest, and I was riveted by your journey.  You look amazing.

To my dear friends who I mostly see online, BD, SBT, LC, JJG, ER, CZP, LL, thank you for always supporting me in everything I do.  Wish I could see you guys more and give you a big hug.

To my friends who have been "liking" and commenting on Facebook, texting, privately messaging, leaving comments here....THANK YOU.  I wish I could acknowledge you all, but then we'd be in a sea of confusing initials.

It just feels so good to know that I'm not alone in this journey.  Only two months into the second year, and I already feel so much love.