Reality Check

Well, I'm at over 6000 views for this blog and I have nearly 400 followers on my Facebook page. I've said from day 1 that I'm going to be honest and open, and I feel like I would be cheating you guys from the true journey if I selectively omitted parts.

I got blood work done 3 weeks ago. They must have been backed up because I only just got the results today. Turns out my cholesterol is trending up. The HDL and triglycerides are good, but the overall number and LDL are borderline. Nothing a high fiber diet and veggies can't fix, but there's more to it than that.

I've worked so hard to lower my borderline cholesterol over the years. My last blood work was well over a year ago, but it was perfect. I'm so mad that I allowed everything to derail. It may not have been over the space of these 3 months, but what if it was. What if my body swiftly begins a downfall when I'm not mindful and hardly exercise or eat barely any veggies and consider lettuce and tomato in fast food to do the trick?

3 months.

Stress and depression is a beast in my body. I've also learned that I will really have to keep tracking and exercising when maintaining a weight. Sounds like a big duh, I know.  The thing is, I know exactly what I have to do to keep my body healthy. Executing this process can be tricky when I'm having a really difficult time. I absolutely despise that I let my emotions swallow me whole during a stressful time.

This year is about reclaiming myself. I am infuriated at the things going on in my life and my reaction to them. Taco Bell and chips don't solve everything. My husband tells me I need to exercise more, to write out all my emotions, to meditate, to drink my smoothies again. He's so right.

I can still wear sweaters and my size 16 jeans. But I have to stop this downfall or I won't be able to button them. I can still feel my collarbone, but I also feel too much neck. My rings are still loose and my feet still bony, but my belly feels so heavy.  Lethargy feels like ass.

I need to make this public to hold myself accountable.  I felt AMAZING on October 25, 2014. I want to feel this way again ASAP. It's completely doable. My stress should have a big layer lifted by the end of February, but naturally that's not happening without bumps in the road.

I love the way I feel when I eat well. This grease is making me sick. I miss jogging as well. I hate holding myself back from things I enjoy because it takes a couple steps more effort.  I don't want to be that lazy person anymore.

I've come too far to give this all up. I'm better than that. This may not be the speediest journey, but damn if it's not realistic and educational for me!