MFP Week Challenge: Day 1

Today, I announced on my Facebook page that I would do my own personal challenge for a week.  I will be publicly holding myself accountable for my choices all week since I'm having a hard time getting back on track.  Life has been slowly turning around since mid-February, yet I can't manage to get myself into a routine.  I always find some kind of excuse or distraction to keep myself from making a breakfast smoothie, a healthy lunch with snacks, a constant water bottle and exercise.  Let's not even get into how much laundry and cleaning I need to do...

As I wrote about recently, I used to print out my MyFitnessPal diary pages for my trainer to read while I walked the treadmill.  She would give me advice, ask if I felt full during low-protein meals, and talk about my snack choices.  We got to the point that I knew exactly what to do, and I didn't need her guidance.  Then October 2014 happened, and I've been on a slow downward spiral ever since.  I'm lucky that I can see her again, thanks to the extreme fortune of being employed again.
I don't have many excuses anymore as my commute is next to nothing and my gym is right around the corner.  Aside from lingering mind-blowing family stress, I should be ready to start respecting my body again.  But I just can't get into a routine or start a to-do list.  And then the food comfort becomes a warm blanket that I turn to when I'm stressed.  Note the Taco Bell I immediately picked up last week after having to drive a total of 2 1/2 hours after work to deal with aforementioned family stress.
I've been eating well over 500 calories past my goal every day.  I haven't been tracking MFP faithfully at all.  I haven't been drinking enough water, plain hot tea, or my smoothies.  My veggies are almost non-existent again.  My skin is kinda gross, and my face is puffing up.  I can still fit into my clothes, but they just don't feel right.  I don't feel right.  And I'm sick of it.

So friends, I'm swinging my leg over the horse.  I still have work to do with re-balancing my diet and creating a habit.  My trainer says it takes 22 days to make a habit.  I will be publicly sharing for a week, but I think it will really be the push I need to keep doing this on my own every day.  I want energy back, I want to feel healthy, and I don't want to feel so heavy.  I know I'm not, but it's like all my tone disappeared.  So it's time to get my diet back in shape so I can really start kicking ass at the gym in May.

I actually made my smoothie this morning.  Since I had minimal ingredients, it reminded me how much I hate overly sweet fruity drinks.  Spinach will be used in full force tomorrow!  And of course, look at my super cute new drinkware!

I got the Harley Quinn tumbler at FYE.  I love her and I love the fact that the icky looking green will be covered up.  The Ello glass has a handle, is BPA free, and has a protective silicone sleeve.  I got it at Wal-Mart by the recommendation of my best friend.  Both are 20 ounces, and both had me running to pee all morning,  It sounds crazy, but I missed that.  I also remembered to take my multivitamin, something I've been slacking on doing.

April 27, 2015

I'd say today was a really successful start.  Some things I noticed:

-I absolutely need more protein in my smoothies, and I normally make them that way.  However, I had that Jamba Juice bag in the freezer for awhile and wanted to finally try it.  I will never use juice again and will be going back to almond milk and a tablespoon of peanut butter tomorrow.  I was starving by 11:30, and they used to hold me till nearly 1 pm.  This made me want to snack more in the afternoon.

-Lunch was great.  I love tuna and ricotta together (it's a creamier cottage cheese, don't judge), and that was my first time trying those tortilla chips.  I really enjoyed them; they had a sweet nutty taste and went great with the guacamole.  I can see making those a regular option in my lunches.

-I need something low calorie but substantial for a snack now.  Looks like I'm going back to string cheese and an apple! I was a little hangry by dinner, and I can practically hear my trainer saying it's because I had so much sweetness in the morning.  

-Dinner was awesome.  Qdoba is the lowest fat option for burrito bowls in this area.  I love Chipotle and Moe's, but Qdoba is closer to me and lighter on the calories/fat.  

  

-I was full but still had that craving for something sweet.  I KNOW!  But I didn't want to shock my body too fast, and now I don't have the urge to snack on anything.  Baby steps guys, baby steps.

Reality Check

Well, I'm at over 6000 views for this blog and I have nearly 400 followers on my Facebook page. I've said from day 1 that I'm going to be honest and open, and I feel like I would be cheating you guys from the true journey if I selectively omitted parts.

I got blood work done 3 weeks ago. They must have been backed up because I only just got the results today. Turns out my cholesterol is trending up. The HDL and triglycerides are good, but the overall number and LDL are borderline. Nothing a high fiber diet and veggies can't fix, but there's more to it than that.

I've worked so hard to lower my borderline cholesterol over the years. My last blood work was well over a year ago, but it was perfect. I'm so mad that I allowed everything to derail. It may not have been over the space of these 3 months, but what if it was. What if my body swiftly begins a downfall when I'm not mindful and hardly exercise or eat barely any veggies and consider lettuce and tomato in fast food to do the trick?

3 months.

Stress and depression is a beast in my body. I've also learned that I will really have to keep tracking and exercising when maintaining a weight. Sounds like a big duh, I know.  The thing is, I know exactly what I have to do to keep my body healthy. Executing this process can be tricky when I'm having a really difficult time. I absolutely despise that I let my emotions swallow me whole during a stressful time.

This year is about reclaiming myself. I am infuriated at the things going on in my life and my reaction to them. Taco Bell and chips don't solve everything. My husband tells me I need to exercise more, to write out all my emotions, to meditate, to drink my smoothies again. He's so right.

I can still wear sweaters and my size 16 jeans. But I have to stop this downfall or I won't be able to button them. I can still feel my collarbone, but I also feel too much neck. My rings are still loose and my feet still bony, but my belly feels so heavy.  Lethargy feels like ass.

I need to make this public to hold myself accountable.  I felt AMAZING on October 25, 2014. I want to feel this way again ASAP. It's completely doable. My stress should have a big layer lifted by the end of February, but naturally that's not happening without bumps in the road.

I love the way I feel when I eat well. This grease is making me sick. I miss jogging as well. I hate holding myself back from things I enjoy because it takes a couple steps more effort.  I don't want to be that lazy person anymore.

I've come too far to give this all up. I'm better than that. This may not be the speediest journey, but damn if it's not realistic and educational for me!

August Progress Numbers and Wrap Up

Yes, I know, it's September 15 and I'm only just getting around to August's numbers.

It's going to have to be a short post this time.  I don't even have the proper compare/contrast picture because it's been so busy.

Numbers!

August Weight Loss:  -3 pounds
2014 Weight Loss:  -17 pounds
Total Weight Loss:  -58 pounds

I'm pretty damn happy with that, although I'm not thrilled about the fact that I don't eat when I'm stressed now.  And I'm very often stressed.

Guys, 2014 has been the craziest damn year.  I have so much that I want to post, but I'm just exhausted at night!

I have a Facebook page for this blog.  You are more than welcome to follow that, as I tend to post pix on there.  I'm at work now, so I don't have my folder of August pix with me.  I will share one that I recently posted on my Sweaters & Smoothies Facebook.  And for the record, I'm already wearing a hoodie, but I've been terrible about my smoothies.  :-(   I'm going to blame the j-o-b.  Seriously guys, it's been 3 months and I need to get out.  It's just not what I expected it to be.

A few quick things:

-We got 2 new cats at the end of August!!!!  Expect to hear about them later.
-I'm going to actually do a sexy Halloween costume.  Velma Kelly from Chicago, here I come.  "And all that jazz."
-My husband can lift and hold me off the ground.  I think that's my favorite NSV of all.

When I posted the left picture exactly 4 years ago, I was about 10 lbs and a few inches heavier than I am today on the right. I said in the caption back then that today was the start of continuing my weight loss. Then as life went crazy in every draining way possible, I swiftly gained back the 45 lost pounds and then some.

Today, on the right, I am 58 pounds and a lot of inches down from my highest weight ever. I am at my lowest number since...I'm going to say maybe 2000? 2001? Life may once again be crazy draining (in different ways), but I can't let it hold me back. I see the happiness and the change in me, and I know the way I went about it this time is the correct lifestyle changing way. Looking forward to the next 35 lbs, no matter how long it takes.

Stress Eating: Then and Now

I really don't feel like going into it, but I'm going through the second most stressful time period of my adult life right now.  Normally when I feel stress, I give in to comfort eating.  And ohhhh the comfort foods in my life...these are the foods I can't really have often otherwise I will turn into a ravenous monster and nom them all down.  Let's list them so they're just out there in the open:

-Fried chicken.  None of that breaded crap, FRIED.
-Stromboli.  You give me anything smothered with mozzarella and tomato sauce, and I'm a goner
-Chicken Parmesan.  The unhealthy versions that are fried and with pasta.
-Cheese fries.  They're oh so terrible and oh so delicious.
-Pastry.  Cake, donuts, cinnamon buns, my cupcakes....evil.
-Pasta.  I could live on pasta with any kind of sauce or veggie or meat.  Unfortunately, it lives on my ass.
-Herrs Cheese Curls.  I will eat three servings in a blink of an eye, and that's the calorie equivalent of a meal.
-Soft Pretzels.  Worst thing in the world for me to eat.  Why are they so delicious?  So Philly.

These are my special treats.  I don't deny myself, but I REALLY have to watch myself around them.

I have been eating weirdly these past couple weeks.  I have been trying to integrate my every-meal-vegetable, but I've often been skipping meals.  Then I've been making up for it calorie-wise in one huge dinner.  So while my caloric numbers aren't tipping too terribly, I've been balancing the food terribly.  And while the calories may be within range, the fat hasn't been.  I'm trying to look at the whole picture here, and I'm trying to cleanse myself this week.  I'm going to be eating dinner at really strange late hours, but I have to make them light meals with a good post-work snack.

I was so proud of myself for not giving in to stress and even not wanting to eat.  But then, of course, it catches up.  And I didn't make the best decision for both dinners this weekend....

KFC.  Kentucky Fried Chicken.  I don't even like it that much, but it's fried chicken.  My stomach is still begging for mercy and trying to expunge everything.  Yet, I had it 2 days in a row.  Allow me to quote the movie So I Married An Axe Murderer regarding the love/hate relationship I have with Colonel Sanders.

  (I made that myself...I'm so proud)

It was good.  Not great.  I've had better.  I had a few potato wedges and tons of chicken.  They also have a deal where they give you a free chocolate or lemon pound cake if you get the 10+ piece bucket.  Yeah, so I also had half a slice each night.  It wasn't that great.  If my husband won't touch it, I'm throwing it out.

Now my body is retaining salt.  If I could prick a hole in my body and let all that retention shoot out, I so would.  Did I mention I had a Mountain Dew and barely drank water?  Add that brominated vegetable oil to the above list....

I just want to scream.  I know backsliding is inevitable, but how did I think that was a good idea for 2 days?!  I've been physically active those two days, but STILL!  

I need to make a plan.  I need to keep my body healthy during this stressful time period otherwise I'm going to destroy my health and sanity in so many ways.

My weight gain came flying back when my mother died in December 2010.  I'm not going to let this current stress affect me the same way.  I can't.  I've come too far and worked too hard and feel too good.  I need emotional support around me.  My husband and best friends are amazing, but I really do need to know that I can get through this extremely rough patch without sabotaging myself.  If you could shoot me a positive vibe right now, that would be extremely lovely.

Thanks everyone for reading, as always.  

"Sugar, she's got the power, soothes my soul for half an hour, half an hour...."

These have absolutely been the craziest few weeks.  The snowpocalypse is never ending!  Last week, we lost power for 2 days and we have an all electric house.  Combine that with 20 degree nights, and yeah, that was hell on earth.  We were terrified of pipes bursting (despite constant running water), and we learned that we're able to sleep in a 49 degree house.  Not something one really wants to learn!  The power went out last Wednesday at 6:45 am and came back on Thursday at 8:35 pm.  I am so relieved that didn't happen when I was recovering from surgery.  My husband's parents were more than willing to have us stay over, but we just felt more comfortable knowing what was going on with the house at night.

Needless to say, I could have completely messed up my diet during this time.  Instead, I lost another pound!  This soft diet has been very helpful.  Naturally, I could have eaten some really bad things, but I still chose not to.  In fact, I just had my heaviest meals in 2 weeks today, and my stomach is crying right now.  We got lots of exercise with shoveling snow and walking around in 10 inches of snow.  I didn't snack at all, but my meals were certainly substantial.  I don't think it's really going to affect me though, as I realized what has been holding me back and kept me on a plateau for months...

SUGAR

WHITE SUGARY SNACKS

I didn't realize I had such a sweet tooth.  The soft diet has kept me from cookies and other useless sugary snacks.  I'm ok with ice cream...for some reason, I think the milk keeps me full with a half cup.  Donuts and pastries are just evil for me.  I love cake products so much, it's not even funny.  And if I may pat myself on the back, my homemade cupcakes are decadently amazing.  

I was ok staying away from crunchy Doritos and chips.  I tend to count out my serving sizes, and then I have to put the bag away.  The more I stayed away from addictive sweets, the more I didn't crave them.  When I got back to work, I tried a couple lemonade Girl Scout cookies and chewed very carefully.  My body started telling me "more...just one more...come on..."  It freaked me out.  You may say, Well DUH, but I didn't realize what an addictive substance white sugar is.  I read about organic and raw sugar, and while they're better for you in terms of being chemical free, they still break down in your body the same way as regular white sugar.

I don't plan on banning sugary products altogether, but I certainly plan on cutting them down big time.  I realized that I get hungrier with more cravings when I eat those snacks.  My trainer has always said that carbs with no protein is just the worst thing for me and my body chemistry.  She's always told me that if I must have a donut that it should be immediately eaten after lunch or dinner so my blood sugar doesn't spike.  If I eat nothing but carbs for breakfast (sometimes that would be a donut or two), my appetite and mood will be off for the rest of the day.  I crash very hard with just carbs.  In fact, I don't know how I did so much shoveling this morning after having Trader Joe's French toast with syrup.  That's probably why I overcompensated with lunch and dinner.  However, the only snack I had was a little Coke, and it tasted gross and syrupy.  High fructose corn syrup is so evil, but we all know that.

I figure I need to start cooking again, and while I will still bake decadent treats, I want to be able to make other healthier and more natural options as well.  My best friend directed me to this cool website called My Whole Food Life, and the recipes look really good!

So, I'm down 48 pounds and SO close to my second goal.  I'm excited to be this close to 50 lbs down, and I'm fitting into clothes really well.  We went to a one night Broadway revival concert on Saturday, and I looked FABULOUS in my size 16 dress, if I do say so myself.

I changed into strappy black heels a block away from the theatre.  Considering we walked about 6 miles in the city, I'm sure as hell glad I made the sensible decision!  It's worth it to drag extra shoes with you in a cute satin bag (hidden in the plastic bag).  But look, I have ankles!  Holy crap, right?  

Another NSV is that I can look down and see my toes, even with my stomach pushed out.  I can't tell you if there's a full pedicure going on, but I can tell you that toes exist.

I also finally shoveled snow for the first time in 3 years.  My husband was kind enough to spoil me for 3 years, but now I'm at a point where shoveling is good for my cardio!  Now we have 2 snow shovels.  

Check out the LAYERS!!  That Game of Thrones Lannister shirt never even fit this well on its own in the summer!  And for fans, look, my coat turned me into a Wildling.  

On that note, my husband is definitely not doing the traditional flowers and candy thing for Valentine's Day this year.  Flowers tend to make me sad because they die, and candy is just the worst thing for me now!  So, he bought me half of the new Game of Thrones Pop Figures and gave them to me early.  

We collect all of them, so this is genuinely exciting for me!

I will probably have more to say on the sugar topic another time, as the manager of my gym lent me the past August issue of National Geographic all about sugar and why we can't resist it.  In the meantime, I'm just working on controlling my cravings and not eating for the hell of it during these cabin fever winter storms.

The Oral Surgery Rite of Passage & Soft Diet + January Progress & Wrap Up

I've been a little quiet because I got all four wisdom teeth pulled on Thursday.  Well, I wasn't exactly quiet on Facebook (sorry, friends!), but I was in no mood to blog anything.

I never had surgery in my life (I know, I'm very lucky), and it was my first time getting anesthesia and nitrous oxide.  I woke up freaking out because I didn't realize that I had even fallen asleep.  I swore that only 2 minutes had passed when it was really a half hour.  And then I started crying my eyes out because I was so freaked out by the loss of time and just what had really happened.  A friend shared a good theory that since one is not quite "asleep" with dental anesthesia, emotional freaking occurs once the body starts realizing the trauma it endured for a half hour.  I think that's a really good possibility for what happened to me because I am such a pain wimp, especially when it comes to anything involving my mouth. (and I had a tongue ring for 7 years!)

The first day was a liquid diet.  I couldn't eat after midnight before the surgery (no problem, it was at 8:45 am), and I finished my huge dinner around 8 pm.  Here's a screen grab of my food tracker for Wednesday: (and before you ask, I hardly make all those choices anymore, I was very stressed cleaning up all my piles at work and just wanted some damn bacon during the day.  I also wanted to fill up my tummy big time for Thursday.  Looks like I succeeded!)

One cool thing about MyFitnessPal is that after you complete your day, it will tell you what you'll weigh in 5 weeks if you eat like that every day.  I was told I'd gain 7 lbs.  Yeah, and this was not too off from what I used to eat for years.  Well, that's eye opening!

On our way to the oral surgeon....

Top left: On our way home and dazed.

Bottom left:  What fresh hell is this?
Right:  Yes, there are English Breakfast teabags in my clotting and sore mouth, f**k off!

Yeah, I was not a happy camper on Thursday and most of Friday.  The liquid diet was crazy to get used to.  By the evening, any little smell or sight of food was setting my tummy into huge growls.  But I didn't feel like eating because it hurt to open my mouth too wide.  The broth and slushy food just felt like a nutritional obligation by that point.

I rather liked the notice I got from MyFitnessPal after I completed the day:

Glad to see they don't encourage anorexic behavior.  (Not like they would, but you know what I mean!)

I woke up on Wednesday mildly hungry even though I hadn't really eaten for over 30 hours by that point.  I knew I couldn't just grab anything since the soft diet was about to take effect.  I didn't eat until around 11 am because I just didn't feel like putting the effort into food, and it was becoming easy to not eat.  That feeling freaked me out.  I got on the scale with clothes on just for the hell of it, and I had dropped 2 pounds.  That freaked me out all the more.  I immediately went to go cook some eggs and ricotta with a side of applesauce.  There was no way in hell I was going to encourage that behavior!

The only side effects besides a sore mouth (hurts to laugh or yell) was on Friday after breakfast...I was doing the salt water rinse and couldn't get the egg out of my bottom wounds.  The doctor's office told me to come in and he demonstrated with a syringe how to clear my mouth out if anything gets caught.  I've been using it faithfully since-  if anybody gets an extraction, make sure you're sent home with one of these!  Otherwise, I was just a lump on the couch for 4 days.  I didn't go to work today because of a never-ending snowstorm in our area, but I appreciate the extra rest.  

I got on the scale today, like I normally do on Monday mornings, and I had dropped 3.4 pounds in a week.  WHAT?  That is crazy considering I was on prednisone, about to start that oh-so-fun time of the month, and eating within my targeted calorie range again.  I don't know what happened, and I don't like the fact that starving for a day helped, but I guess I can consider it a mini-cleanse that broke my plateau.  I don't intend on doing that again unless I have to have surgery (knock wood), so let's just call it a well-timed event.

Normally, I would do the progress post separately, but I think it ties in nicely with the last 4 days, so let's get to it!

January weight loss:  4.4 pounds

Total weight loss:  45 pounds (I rounded up the .2, sue me)

My husband was making me laugh as he took the picture, so at least I don't look cranky this month.

The scale numbers were pretty stubborn this month, but I think I'll have a much more successful February now that I see that burst of progress.  I think this current week long soft diet is helpful because it's making me really think about what I'm eating.  Plus, I think it'll break me of the cookie habit I was forming.  

Lots of NSVs this month...I bought a pair of pants and a dress that were both size 16!  That's most certainly due to the cut and brand of each, but I'd say it's an accomplishment.  I plan on writing about how inconsistent sizing and numbers are in the near future.  I also layered for the first real time and zipped my knee high boots with no problems or squeezing.

My favorite PJ pants are beyond huge...as is this shirt that you can see me wearing tightly while clinging onto James Marsters in my very first post.  These are the pants I can't wear while doing Wii dance games.

Feeling good in my new skirt and haircut and the aforementioned boots, even after eating that huge meal.  Military green chevron pencil skirt?  Yes please.

I am 5 pounds away from my second goal, and I'm really excited and proud!  I know that's what will encourage me to keep going, even during this cold and nasty weather.  

Cabin Fever and Calorie Consumption

If you live in the Northeastern part of the United States, you know just how brutal the weather is right now.  

It was colder than Alaska at one point around here.

It's freakin' FRIGID.  

For once, I empathize with Jon Snow.

It hasn't been this bad in years, especially with the constant snowstorms, ice, and temperatures significantly below freezing.  I get in the car, go to work, maybe go out to grab food at lunch if I didn't bring anything, get in the car, and go straight home under the blanket.  It's so cold that I just want to put on jammies and ignore anything that involves actual movement.  Why the hell would I want to go back outside when I have my Sheldon Cooper sofa spot, comfy jammies, and two fuzzy blankets for the sofa?

I don't want to bring clothes with me to the gym because I hate changing in public.  I've actually gotten into a good routine of running home, jumping in my tank and yoga pants, grabbing my water, and running back out the door.  These past couple weeks have really thrown me.  I try to do some Wii dance games, but it's not enough.  I want to work my entire body on the treadmill.  And when I sit at home, I'm more tempted to consume junk.

We don't really have a lot of junk around the house anymore, but I manage to find the cookies and Hershey Kisses.  One of my problems is that I try to be so good with my main meals so I have enough calories leftover to snack.  I have significantly cut my snacking, but I still have work to do.  I have carrots and hummus in the fridge, but the Turkey Hill all natural ice cream is so much more appealing.  I have 100 calorie fat free Hershey's pudding that I end up topping with a tablespoon of chocolate chips and squirt of Reddi Whip.  That one isn't too bad until the chips turn into two tablespoons and the whipped cream is being aimed directly in the mouth because "one extra bit can't be so bad."  Right.  Tell me another one, self.  

My trainer has been working with me on the snacking.  We have discussed how even though I'm staying within the calorie range that I could be making better choices with the quality of food I'm eating.  I may do better with food that has fat versus sugar, but high sodium blows me up and makes me lethargic.  I get so focused on the calorie counting that I don't look at the big picture.  I feel like I've been in a weird plateau with the scale numbers, but I've had so much progress with how my clothes fit.  I just bought a new dress that's a size 16!!  That is absolutely major for me.  We also discussed how I need to absolutely keep tracking on MyFitnessPal as the day goes on.  I was falling into a habit of recording things at the end of the day.  I absolutely need to see what my intake is throughout the day and how I can budget out portions and treats by the end of the day.    

I want to work on being more conscious about my protein and veggies and avoiding carbs at night, but it gets hard at this time of the year.  I'm proud that I finally said Screw it and went to the gym this morning.  My joints felt so much better after I did so.  I don't want something as crazy as weather to hold me back from my goals.  I know that this month is not going to be particularly high for the scale loss and that we all go through periodic plateaus.  However, I'm going to be wearing a smaller hot ass glam dress in NYC next month, so I'm feeling pretty damn good.  

I really do love this blog because it's holding me accountable and keeping me motivated by publicly chatting about these topics.  I normally would whine and kvetch to my husband and trainer, but I think it's time that their ears get a break.  Let's just keep fingers crossed that the snow will ease up and that we'll hit a heatwave of 33 degrees soon!

"I already have a drink...do you think he'll buy me mozzarella sticks?"

The Golden Globes are tonight, and I am a sucker for awards shows.  I'm just a pop culture junkie, even though I don't go to see movies in the theatre as much as I would like anymore.  The Golden Globes in particular are a blast because there's alcohol at all the tables, and the celebrities get increasingly drunk as the night progresses.  Last year, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (AKA GODDESSES) hosted and essentially owned the entire night.  They have been asked to host again tonight and next year as well.

I mean...

And they even managed to upstage Neil Patrick Harris at the 2013 Emmys!

I have a bit of a hero worship for Tina Fey.  Her character of Liz Lemon on 30 Rock was eerily like me at times.  Her love of food, her need to be at home watching TV with extra carbs, her odd obsession with stationary stores, her need to be a non-traditional bride, and her penchant for impromptu dance parties....Liz Lemon is my TV soulmate.  I don't care for her bullying tendency and the fact that she doesn't surround herself with positive women, but I can overlook that in the well-developed character since Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are besties in real life and absolutely perfect and hilarious together.  I mean, I need this Busted Tees t-shirt:

I used to be quite a bit like Liz Lemon with my ravenous appetite. I still hate the running gag that characters like her and Grace Adler from Will & Grace can eat you out of house and home and still be thin as anything.  Damn you, TV.  But that's a topic for a later time.  Here are moments that I sadly related to for years (but I will still cut you if you take my sandwich):

And then you finally come to this realization...

Here's the most embarrassing of all for me:

I may never have unhinged my jaw to shotgun an entire pizza like Liz, but I came close one night.  I'm going to share one of my most embarrassing stories as an example of how my stomach was a never-ending pit for awhile there.

My husband's group of friends came over one night years ago, and they all really like junk food.  We ordered delivery from the nearby pizza pub, and I got a regular sized pepperoni and mushroom stromboli.  Their medium strombolis can easily be split between two people, especially since they're so rich.  I had a long day at work and had eaten lunch and everything, but I just really wanted the greasy cheesy delicious comfort.  I inhaled the entire stromboli in about 10 minutes and had a Weight Watchers ice cream sandwich in my hand after I threw the carton away.  I looked across the room and saw that the biggest guy in the room wasn't even close to being done his stromboli.

Now I will only get a stromboli once or twice a year as a special treat, and I immediately cut it in half so I can't be tempted for more.  

This is half the stromboli I had this past June.  My trainer almost had an aneurysm when she saw the estimated nutritional content on my diary sheets.  Stromboli and fried chicken are my two super special treat foods.  I was humiliated when I saw just how fast I could inhale food and barely even taste it.  I'm trying to enjoy and taste my food and not wonder when it's time for dessert.

This past year was really about breaking my habits, and I'm still learning balance and moderation.  I love Liz Lemon, but I don't have to "become" her.  I will forever love Tina Fey and hope that I can even accomplish a fraction of what she's done with her career.  One day at a time!