NSV Joy: Numbers Don't Always Matter

I've been in hiding from blogging for a little bit because I've been so down about how my scale numbers have gone up about 2 pounds.  This upsets me because this blog is for documenting the ups and downs.  I can't just show the sunny and cheery side of things.

I lost 6 pounds after the oral surgery/soft diet, but then I put on 1.2 pounds last Monday after going back to a more normal diet.  To anybody else, this would be expected and not such a huge deal.  Then I just put on another 1.6 pounds this morning after having a more indulgent weekend than usual.  That's a total of 2.8 pounds, which normally wouldn't be anything to freak about.  I understand how this weekend was a big combo of ridiculous salt and carbs intake + bloat week beginning (sorry if TMI, but I just want to be honest.)= 1.6 pounds back.  I could be down .6 pounds tomorrow for all I know.  I've tried to be very mindful today and just rode the stationary bike for 45 minutes while watching My 600 Pound Life.  Yeah, talk about a motivational tool!  

What I have to keep remembering is that these ups and downs happen.  I just get so hard on myself when I'm not making continual progress, but that's also why I have MyFitnessPal and my trainer to keep me accountable.  However, I've been seeing really good progress elsewhere, and while I'm thrilled, it also frustrates me even more when I don't see numbers budge.

Here are a list of the significant NSVs (Non Scale Victories) I've seen over the last month:

1. I just did push-ups.  I just did actual unassisted push-ups with my husband as a witness.  He says I can go down lower, and I did for only one or two, but I don't care!!!  My left arm has never bent for a push-up in my whole life.  It just trembled and refused to move.  I used to do push-ups on my knees in school and now I do it on the exercise ball.  But I realized that my ball at home is so low to the floor, and if I was doing really good push-ups on that...why not try it for real?  And I succeeded.  Holy crap, you guys.  LIFELONG GOAL ACHIEVED!

2. I can see my toes.  Now granted, I can't tell you if there's a full pedi going on, but I can see that toes exist.  I suck in my stomach and it turns pretty flat.  I push it out all the way, and I look pregnant, but I can still see my toes.  Hello, old friends.  I now wear ribbed fitted shirts that I haven't worn in years, even ones with light horizontal stripes.  I can layer t-shirts over them like it's the 1990s.

3. I can turn around to my left and see the beginning of my shoulder blade tattoo.  It's just the one top purple star (I'm not a contortionist), but my back and shoulder fat has really minimized.

4. The 7 dollar corduroys I got at the thrift store last month?  I can already yank them off without having to unbutton them.  What. UP.

5. My husband can wrap his arms all the way around me.  He doesn't become a floating head when he stands behind me and holds me.  There is nothing more humiliating for me than being able to completely obscure the person I love.

Ok, so I ended this with sunshine and lollipops, but I think it's good to remember how much progress I've made despite these pesky 2.8 pounds.

"Sugar, she's got the power, soothes my soul for half an hour, half an hour...."

These have absolutely been the craziest few weeks.  The snowpocalypse is never ending!  Last week, we lost power for 2 days and we have an all electric house.  Combine that with 20 degree nights, and yeah, that was hell on earth.  We were terrified of pipes bursting (despite constant running water), and we learned that we're able to sleep in a 49 degree house.  Not something one really wants to learn!  The power went out last Wednesday at 6:45 am and came back on Thursday at 8:35 pm.  I am so relieved that didn't happen when I was recovering from surgery.  My husband's parents were more than willing to have us stay over, but we just felt more comfortable knowing what was going on with the house at night.

Needless to say, I could have completely messed up my diet during this time.  Instead, I lost another pound!  This soft diet has been very helpful.  Naturally, I could have eaten some really bad things, but I still chose not to.  In fact, I just had my heaviest meals in 2 weeks today, and my stomach is crying right now.  We got lots of exercise with shoveling snow and walking around in 10 inches of snow.  I didn't snack at all, but my meals were certainly substantial.  I don't think it's really going to affect me though, as I realized what has been holding me back and kept me on a plateau for months...

SUGAR

WHITE SUGARY SNACKS

I didn't realize I had such a sweet tooth.  The soft diet has kept me from cookies and other useless sugary snacks.  I'm ok with ice cream...for some reason, I think the milk keeps me full with a half cup.  Donuts and pastries are just evil for me.  I love cake products so much, it's not even funny.  And if I may pat myself on the back, my homemade cupcakes are decadently amazing.  

I was ok staying away from crunchy Doritos and chips.  I tend to count out my serving sizes, and then I have to put the bag away.  The more I stayed away from addictive sweets, the more I didn't crave them.  When I got back to work, I tried a couple lemonade Girl Scout cookies and chewed very carefully.  My body started telling me "more...just one more...come on..."  It freaked me out.  You may say, Well DUH, but I didn't realize what an addictive substance white sugar is.  I read about organic and raw sugar, and while they're better for you in terms of being chemical free, they still break down in your body the same way as regular white sugar.

I don't plan on banning sugary products altogether, but I certainly plan on cutting them down big time.  I realized that I get hungrier with more cravings when I eat those snacks.  My trainer has always said that carbs with no protein is just the worst thing for me and my body chemistry.  She's always told me that if I must have a donut that it should be immediately eaten after lunch or dinner so my blood sugar doesn't spike.  If I eat nothing but carbs for breakfast (sometimes that would be a donut or two), my appetite and mood will be off for the rest of the day.  I crash very hard with just carbs.  In fact, I don't know how I did so much shoveling this morning after having Trader Joe's French toast with syrup.  That's probably why I overcompensated with lunch and dinner.  However, the only snack I had was a little Coke, and it tasted gross and syrupy.  High fructose corn syrup is so evil, but we all know that.

I figure I need to start cooking again, and while I will still bake decadent treats, I want to be able to make other healthier and more natural options as well.  My best friend directed me to this cool website called My Whole Food Life, and the recipes look really good!

So, I'm down 48 pounds and SO close to my second goal.  I'm excited to be this close to 50 lbs down, and I'm fitting into clothes really well.  We went to a one night Broadway revival concert on Saturday, and I looked FABULOUS in my size 16 dress, if I do say so myself.

I changed into strappy black heels a block away from the theatre.  Considering we walked about 6 miles in the city, I'm sure as hell glad I made the sensible decision!  It's worth it to drag extra shoes with you in a cute satin bag (hidden in the plastic bag).  But look, I have ankles!  Holy crap, right?  

Another NSV is that I can look down and see my toes, even with my stomach pushed out.  I can't tell you if there's a full pedicure going on, but I can tell you that toes exist.

I also finally shoveled snow for the first time in 3 years.  My husband was kind enough to spoil me for 3 years, but now I'm at a point where shoveling is good for my cardio!  Now we have 2 snow shovels.  

Check out the LAYERS!!  That Game of Thrones Lannister shirt never even fit this well on its own in the summer!  And for fans, look, my coat turned me into a Wildling.  

On that note, my husband is definitely not doing the traditional flowers and candy thing for Valentine's Day this year.  Flowers tend to make me sad because they die, and candy is just the worst thing for me now!  So, he bought me half of the new Game of Thrones Pop Figures and gave them to me early.  

We collect all of them, so this is genuinely exciting for me!

I will probably have more to say on the sugar topic another time, as the manager of my gym lent me the past August issue of National Geographic all about sugar and why we can't resist it.  In the meantime, I'm just working on controlling my cravings and not eating for the hell of it during these cabin fever winter storms.

The Oral Surgery Rite of Passage & Soft Diet + January Progress & Wrap Up

I've been a little quiet because I got all four wisdom teeth pulled on Thursday.  Well, I wasn't exactly quiet on Facebook (sorry, friends!), but I was in no mood to blog anything.

I never had surgery in my life (I know, I'm very lucky), and it was my first time getting anesthesia and nitrous oxide.  I woke up freaking out because I didn't realize that I had even fallen asleep.  I swore that only 2 minutes had passed when it was really a half hour.  And then I started crying my eyes out because I was so freaked out by the loss of time and just what had really happened.  A friend shared a good theory that since one is not quite "asleep" with dental anesthesia, emotional freaking occurs once the body starts realizing the trauma it endured for a half hour.  I think that's a really good possibility for what happened to me because I am such a pain wimp, especially when it comes to anything involving my mouth. (and I had a tongue ring for 7 years!)

The first day was a liquid diet.  I couldn't eat after midnight before the surgery (no problem, it was at 8:45 am), and I finished my huge dinner around 8 pm.  Here's a screen grab of my food tracker for Wednesday: (and before you ask, I hardly make all those choices anymore, I was very stressed cleaning up all my piles at work and just wanted some damn bacon during the day.  I also wanted to fill up my tummy big time for Thursday.  Looks like I succeeded!)

One cool thing about MyFitnessPal is that after you complete your day, it will tell you what you'll weigh in 5 weeks if you eat like that every day.  I was told I'd gain 7 lbs.  Yeah, and this was not too off from what I used to eat for years.  Well, that's eye opening!

On our way to the oral surgeon....

Top left: On our way home and dazed.

Bottom left:  What fresh hell is this?
Right:  Yes, there are English Breakfast teabags in my clotting and sore mouth, f**k off!

Yeah, I was not a happy camper on Thursday and most of Friday.  The liquid diet was crazy to get used to.  By the evening, any little smell or sight of food was setting my tummy into huge growls.  But I didn't feel like eating because it hurt to open my mouth too wide.  The broth and slushy food just felt like a nutritional obligation by that point.

I rather liked the notice I got from MyFitnessPal after I completed the day:

Glad to see they don't encourage anorexic behavior.  (Not like they would, but you know what I mean!)

I woke up on Wednesday mildly hungry even though I hadn't really eaten for over 30 hours by that point.  I knew I couldn't just grab anything since the soft diet was about to take effect.  I didn't eat until around 11 am because I just didn't feel like putting the effort into food, and it was becoming easy to not eat.  That feeling freaked me out.  I got on the scale with clothes on just for the hell of it, and I had dropped 2 pounds.  That freaked me out all the more.  I immediately went to go cook some eggs and ricotta with a side of applesauce.  There was no way in hell I was going to encourage that behavior!

The only side effects besides a sore mouth (hurts to laugh or yell) was on Friday after breakfast...I was doing the salt water rinse and couldn't get the egg out of my bottom wounds.  The doctor's office told me to come in and he demonstrated with a syringe how to clear my mouth out if anything gets caught.  I've been using it faithfully since-  if anybody gets an extraction, make sure you're sent home with one of these!  Otherwise, I was just a lump on the couch for 4 days.  I didn't go to work today because of a never-ending snowstorm in our area, but I appreciate the extra rest.  

I got on the scale today, like I normally do on Monday mornings, and I had dropped 3.4 pounds in a week.  WHAT?  That is crazy considering I was on prednisone, about to start that oh-so-fun time of the month, and eating within my targeted calorie range again.  I don't know what happened, and I don't like the fact that starving for a day helped, but I guess I can consider it a mini-cleanse that broke my plateau.  I don't intend on doing that again unless I have to have surgery (knock wood), so let's just call it a well-timed event.

Normally, I would do the progress post separately, but I think it ties in nicely with the last 4 days, so let's get to it!

January weight loss:  4.4 pounds

Total weight loss:  45 pounds (I rounded up the .2, sue me)

My husband was making me laugh as he took the picture, so at least I don't look cranky this month.

The scale numbers were pretty stubborn this month, but I think I'll have a much more successful February now that I see that burst of progress.  I think this current week long soft diet is helpful because it's making me really think about what I'm eating.  Plus, I think it'll break me of the cookie habit I was forming.  

Lots of NSVs this month...I bought a pair of pants and a dress that were both size 16!  That's most certainly due to the cut and brand of each, but I'd say it's an accomplishment.  I plan on writing about how inconsistent sizing and numbers are in the near future.  I also layered for the first real time and zipped my knee high boots with no problems or squeezing.

My favorite PJ pants are beyond huge...as is this shirt that you can see me wearing tightly while clinging onto James Marsters in my very first post.  These are the pants I can't wear while doing Wii dance games.

Feeling good in my new skirt and haircut and the aforementioned boots, even after eating that huge meal.  Military green chevron pencil skirt?  Yes please.

I am 5 pounds away from my second goal, and I'm really excited and proud!  I know that's what will encourage me to keep going, even during this cold and nasty weather.