MFP Week Challenge: Day 5

It has been so busy at work that I barely had a chance to eat today. I ended up grabbing my food from the fridge and sitting at my desk since I was waiting for a call. I try not to do that anymore (a break should be a break), but the to-do list was just too big. Glad I had some caffeine this morning!

-I really liked that sandwich thin, and it has a decent amount of fiber. Bread is so great, but it's one of the worst things I can eat. 

-Quick dinner at a nearby diner before a movie. Hey, I took half of it home. 

-Saw The Avengers: Age of Ultron tonight, hence the movie snack. I don't like sitting for 2 1/2 hours after sitting for 8 hours of work, so I volunteered to get up halfway through and stand in line so I could just get the blood rushing. Good movie though, and I loved Elizabeth Olsen. 

Today was such a long day that I'm too tired to keep writing my next shoutout. I'm going to make up for that tomorrow, but for today I'm just going to redirect you to the piece I wrote about my trainer in March. D is such a special and influential figure in my life, and I can't say it enough. (I'm on the app, so I can't make a pretty link): 

 http://sweatersandsmoothies.blogspot.com/2015/03/strength-shaping-and-serendipity.html

 

MFP Week Challenge: Day 4

Today was good.  The morning started off with the typical inner monologue about whether I really wanted to take the time to wash the blender and make a smoothie.  Then I got a Facebook comment from a friend (hi Bon!) asking me about my favorite smoothie recipe and what equipment I use.  While I was commenting back, I realized once again just how simple the process is for a yummy and fulfilling payoff.  Turns out I had all the ingredients, and I made sure to wash the blender immediately afterwards.  It was my old routine, and it was easy peasy.  I lasted until 12:45 before I ran out to grab some food.  Ok, so I wasn't perfect with the planning, ha.

-My old smoothie standby is (in order): Silk almond milk (today was an almond-coconut blend), Natural Factors French Vanilla whey protein, chia seeds, half a frozen banana, frozen strawberries, spinach, and 1 tbsp of peanut butter.  It felt good today.

-Went to The Fresh Market for food, decided to try their sushi.  I normally hate supermarket sushi (even Wegmans!), but this was delicious.  I decided to eat it outside at a picnic table.  You don't even know what a big deal that is for me. 

  

-Dinner was just a mishmash of leftovers.  Could've thrown a veggie in there.

-Could've left off one of the snacks, but I don't think it will hurt anything.  Not hangry, not craving another snack, drinking water.  

Today's shoutout goes to my dear friends who have shown me the value of good food and cooking.  Ash and Ian love cooking and baking together and are those awesome people who bring home cooked food to a party or whip up a quick and delicious meal for you in their wonderfully comfortable kitchen.  I always feel like anything is possible after spending a weekend with them.  He often chats about just how simple and necessary it is to know how to cook certain foods and be able to prepare yourself a meal.  I actually bought 2 cookbooks this year and became obsessed with the show Extra Virgin on the Cooking Channel thanks to them.  

What I love is how Ash and Ian don't go for super complicated or ridiculously frilly and trendy food.  They stick with quality ingredients and cook for taste, enjoyment, and practicality.  Meanwhile, getting takeout is one of my biggest downfalls.  I really like cooking but am very lazy about the cleanup.  Again, this is a routine I need to establish.  I wish they lived closer so we could have those fun weekends more often, but it makes it all the more special when we do see each other.  And believe me, we still have our Shake Shack and Meatball Shop outings!  However, I'm definitely going to start integrating their awesome kitchen habits into our everyday life.    

Strength, Shaping, and Serendipity

I've mentioned my trainer in passing, but I don't think I've fully articulated just what an amazing and influential figure she has been in my life.

When I joined my local gym 5 years ago, I was trying to become fit after losing weight through Weight Watchers.  I was having difficulty focusing, so I learned about the training program through the manager.  He decided to match me with D since he thought our personalities would mesh well together.  He also told me that D was in the process of becoming ordained.  That threw me at first since I'm not a particularly religious person, but I decided it couldn't hurt to meet her.

I'm going to sound cliche, but we hit it off like gangbusters.  D has said from day one that our meeting was serendipitous.  She was impressed with my strength and frequently mixed up my weekly training programs.  However, I soon began a pattern of only seeing her at the gym and not going on my own time.  Things were starting to get stressful with my mother, and I began gaining weight.  I think I was only one of two clients who gained weight on her watch.  She didn't get upset with me or berate me.  I always referred to her as my "Bob" rather than "Jillian" from The Biggest Loser.  She knew that I wouldn't respond well to abrasive behavior and was relieved that I was getting any kind of exercise in my week.

My husband had just moved in by that point and came with me to the gym.  They hit it off as well, and he would sit in during my sessions while chatting with D, holding my feet, and teasing me that I needed to do 100 more reps.  They put their creative minds together to write and illustrate a book about a fairy tree, which will hopefully be available in the future!  D finished her schooling and became a non-denominational Christian minister.  It was truly her destiny to go down that road, and I saw new peace and fulfillment within her.

D is a very warm person who finds meaning in everything.  She doesn't like negativity and finds a way for me to put a positive spin on the grumpy things I say.  And believe me, that woman spent many grumpy hours with me over the years!  She always managed to put a smile on my face by the end of those sessions.  D finds beauty in the world and is quite poetic.  She can pull a poem that she wrote 10 years ago out of her brain, and it's always a lovely summation of a particular person, object, or situation.  D has an excellent sense of humor, and we often talk about TV or movies.  We chat about our personal lives, and I feel like I can trust her with just about anything.

My mother died in December 2010, and I was a mess.  My mom faithfully believed in God, and I didn't want a random minister giving her eulogy.  I called D, and she was hesitant at first because she never performed a funeral and hadn't been to one in many years.  But she got over her nerves and told me she'd be honored.  Even though D had never met my mother, she knew so much about her from all my stories and performed a beautiful service.  I felt calmer knowing I could focus on her while she was speaking next to the casket.

D does not force religion or spirituality on me or judge my beliefs.  She has been a sounding board for my rambles about what I truly believe.  I started reading more about Taoism thanks to her.  I am feeling more comfortable about giving myself permission to open my mind to more in this world beyond restrictive organized religion.  I am still a skeptic, but I'm willing to do research and reading, and never judge others.  My way of life is to treat others the way you want to be treated.

We were married in April 2012, and naturally we asked D to do the honors.  It was a short engagement period, and every Monday was spent exercising and going over the service and wedding details.  I loved how D put together a service that honored our beliefs while eliminating phrases and words that we didn't like.  She wore her robe with two crosses to make my Catholic grandmother happy, but otherwise it was a very spiritual wedding utilizing old Celtic traditions and blessings. Her husband was there as well, and he was so delightful and present in the rehearsal and setup.  It felt like a family affair.

I gained all the weight back that I lost on Weight Watchers (and then some), and D was extremely patient.  She was tentative about pushing my strength because she didn't want me to hurt my body.  It was a very fine line that she was walking with me, and I'm eternally grateful that she didn't give up on me.  She knew I had to come to the breakthrough and conclusion myself.  Naturally, she and my husband were worried that my depression and stubborn nature would keep me from doing this and that my health would be affected.  She would gently discuss this with me, and I knew she was right, but I was scared.

D would always tell me that if I just walked for 20 minutes, 3 times per week, that it would make a difference.  That a habit is formed after doing something for 22 days.  That my body needs protein and I should always pair a carb snack with a protein (think apple and cheese).  That I should really be eating a vegetable with every meal.  That I can think of myself as an island and that the necessary, nourishing food for my body is being dropped off via parachute.  That I should be mindful of my eating if I'm not exercising frequently.  That she really wants me to be exercising, but if I absolutely had to choose one or the other, that eating well is the way to go.  I started printing my week of MyFitnessPal daily diaries for her to read while I warmed up on the treadmill.  She would tell me what I did well, what could be improved or replaced, and talk to me about why I felt like I needed that coffee cake 3 nights in a row.  We recorded my weight weekly and talked about the fluctuations.  I do research on nutrition and weight loss, but it's funny how most advice I've given to people is usually from something D told me.

I started this journey in January 2013, and I lost 60 lbs by October 2014.  D is beyond thrilled.  Many people at the gym compliment me, and the owner has even posted my progress on their Facebook page.  I feel great being an example of the exemplary work that D does for her clients.  After I lost the initial excess 41 pounds in 2013, she began working on "shaping" me in 2014.  I only lost 19 lbs that year, but I lost a lot of inches.  People think I lost more weight thanks to her work!

I had to stop seeing her while I was unemployed from October through February, and it shows.  I'm still wearing the same size clothes, but I gained 10 pounds and have gone back to my old habits of never going to the gym.  D had designed a program for me that I could do on my own during that time, but I only did it a couple times.  I just had a session with her two weeks ago, and it felt amazing.  I'm still as strong as I ever was.  But I'm having a hard time managing family stress, a new job, and tired laziness.  D always tells me that the time I really feel grumpy about going to the gym is the time I need to go the most.  I only live 3 minutes away, and my new job is now another minute down the road.  There's no excuse whatsoever.  I feel like I'm starting from scratch again with my "change of life" mentality.  I know what I have to do thanks to all her guidance.  It's a matter of getting my butt out the door.

I miss her a lot, and I aim to have my life fully back on track in April.  We text and check in, but it's not the same.  I miss my friend, and I miss getting my weekly physical and mental workout!  My husband and I joke that D is our Yoda, and she truly is.

"Do. Or do not. There is no try."

Reality Check

Well, I'm at over 6000 views for this blog and I have nearly 400 followers on my Facebook page. I've said from day 1 that I'm going to be honest and open, and I feel like I would be cheating you guys from the true journey if I selectively omitted parts.

I got blood work done 3 weeks ago. They must have been backed up because I only just got the results today. Turns out my cholesterol is trending up. The HDL and triglycerides are good, but the overall number and LDL are borderline. Nothing a high fiber diet and veggies can't fix, but there's more to it than that.

I've worked so hard to lower my borderline cholesterol over the years. My last blood work was well over a year ago, but it was perfect. I'm so mad that I allowed everything to derail. It may not have been over the space of these 3 months, but what if it was. What if my body swiftly begins a downfall when I'm not mindful and hardly exercise or eat barely any veggies and consider lettuce and tomato in fast food to do the trick?

3 months.

Stress and depression is a beast in my body. I've also learned that I will really have to keep tracking and exercising when maintaining a weight. Sounds like a big duh, I know.  The thing is, I know exactly what I have to do to keep my body healthy. Executing this process can be tricky when I'm having a really difficult time. I absolutely despise that I let my emotions swallow me whole during a stressful time.

This year is about reclaiming myself. I am infuriated at the things going on in my life and my reaction to them. Taco Bell and chips don't solve everything. My husband tells me I need to exercise more, to write out all my emotions, to meditate, to drink my smoothies again. He's so right.

I can still wear sweaters and my size 16 jeans. But I have to stop this downfall or I won't be able to button them. I can still feel my collarbone, but I also feel too much neck. My rings are still loose and my feet still bony, but my belly feels so heavy.  Lethargy feels like ass.

I need to make this public to hold myself accountable.  I felt AMAZING on October 25, 2014. I want to feel this way again ASAP. It's completely doable. My stress should have a big layer lifted by the end of February, but naturally that's not happening without bumps in the road.

I love the way I feel when I eat well. This grease is making me sick. I miss jogging as well. I hate holding myself back from things I enjoy because it takes a couple steps more effort.  I don't want to be that lazy person anymore.

I've come too far to give this all up. I'm better than that. This may not be the speediest journey, but damn if it's not realistic and educational for me!

June Progress Numbers & Wrap Up

Not happy with June.  As I elaborated in my last post, it's been very stressful in my life.  I went backwards a bit and haven't stepped on the scale in just over a week.  So let's just get to it.

Weight:  + 2
2014 Weight loss: 11 pounds
Weight loss:  52 pounds

Yeah, so I'm upset that this extra 2 lbs has been hanging onto my stomach.  My face, legs, and feet are fine, but my stomach is not.  That picture is also helpful to see that I desperately need a bra fitting.  My back is actually rather flat, which is something my trainer is extremely pleased about.  My butt width has shrunk.  My shoulder and cape area is good.  But that damn stomach...ugh.

It's been harder this year.  Once you hit a big loss, it gets really hard to lose even more.  As I was discussing with my husband today, I'm terrified of going back to 2009-2010 when I gained back the Weight Watchers loss.  Granted, I have a bigger loss now and a better body transformation...but with the way I've been making some shitty choices, and the way my stomach feels right now...I'm scared, ok?  I refuse to go backwards.  This has to just be a temporary bump.

While I'm on the topic, I have to thank my husband for being the most supportive, loving, and motivating person I know.  Sure, we've fought about some things (he's kind of black and white with his viewpoint), but he ultimately cares about my health, my well being, my mental state and stress level, and he does everything he can for me.  I'm seriously lucky.  I don't know if I could be doing this without him.  My best friends have been amazing, and all the wonderful people I know personally and online that have been supporting me are fantastic.  I have a support system everywhere I look.  Not many people can say that, and I truly appreciate it.  But to have someone who knows me so intimately and who is in love with me no matter what size I am...yeah, I am grateful every day to have married such a wonderful man.

You can all stop dry heaving now!  I'm going to move on to pictures.

One of my last days at the office.

I made sure to look my best that last week.

2nd to last ugly bathroom selfie...

Last day, last ugly bathroom selfie! 

Love my elephant dress, but it really is best with tights, so I'm saving it for the fall.

Flipping a shit during NPH's performance of Sugar Daddy during the Tony's.  Hedwig and the Angry Inch is my lifeline.  The one time I wish my husband videoed me!

This tank top is getting downright obscene with its bagginess.  It's actually quite 80s now, I should wear a cute neon bra underneath it or something.

New work bathroom selfie!!  Woooo!  Check out the brightness, cleanliness, and privacy!  Oh, and my Twin Peaks skirt was falling off me when I didn't have it folded over.

Making it back to the gym...need to keep freakin' doing this.

Of course my grandmother had to comment on how horizontal stripes make you look wider.  SIGH.  I like the shirt (we got a nice Old Navy sale haul), so WHATEVER.

So, yeah.  I don't look terrible, and a lot of my summer clothes are hanging, but I don't feel good, and I could look much better.  Plain and simple.  I've had a month to get adjusted to this job.  No more excuses.  I have new sneakers.

No more excuses.  I have pretty support for my feet.

I could really use some extra support this month, to be honest.  I hate asking like that, but I just need to be held accountable.  I had fun food.  My trainer does not berate me.  She just says, "Ok, and do you feel a difference now that you had that and no veggies?"  My affirmation makes her happy because I'm able to acknowledge that my body needs healthy food and exercise with moderate treats. I'm happy that I'm not in denial over this fact as well.  That's definitely an improvement over last year.

"I never understood you then, and I guess I never will"

June 23 would have been my father's 62nd birthday.  He died when he was 38 years old.

He didn't die in a tragic accident, he didn't have a long suffering disease.  He died of a heart attack while jogging in the middle of Philadelphia.

He died of a heart attack at 38 years old.

Now, before I proceed, you have to know that he was a psychotic and abusive piece of shit.  If anything, my MS afflicted mother and my 10-year-old self were lucky that this happened.  I have a picture heavy post on another blog explaining my childhood.  Domestic violence trigger warning- please don't read if you think it's going to upset you.

He was a very short and stocky man who yo-yo dieted and exercised.  He was a weightlifter and could lift a great deal, but he still packed away the dessert.  He chain smoked and took drugs.  He didn't even make it to middle age.

We didn't know he was dead for a month since he was a John Doe.  He and my mother were separated, and she thought (and hoped) he had skipped town.  Nope.  He was in a Philly morgue for just over a month in 1991 until they were able to track us down.

I learned early that we had to hide treats so he wouldn't take them from us or yell at us for eating them.  He told me he wouldn't love me if I became hugely fat.  I was taller in elementary school and a bit chubby.  Everything he did to us made me confused and scared and in desperate need of comfort.  So I ate those hidden Twix bars when my mom was in the shower, and I devoured Cheetos and Yoo-Hoo and tons of pasta when staying at my grandmother's.  I knew it was good that he was no longer around, but I was also upset because I didn't have a father who loved me or who gave a shit about being there for me.

I had a father who selfishly and stupidly wasted his life.

I'm going to be 34 this year.  My magic number is 38.  I have to make it past 38.  My mother died at 57, but she had progressive chronic Multiple Sclerosis; she was healthy as a horse aside from the neurological issues.
I can't be my father.  I unfortunately inherited genes from him, but my therapist told me to focus on the positive.  I have a lot of strength and I'm building my endurance.  That's the most positive physical trait we share.  I'm grateful that I inherited my mother's face and his coloring so I don't have to see him in the mirror.  Ok, I do have his flashing dark eyes when I'm upset, but I'm trying to breathe and think before I act.

I want to live a long life with my husband.  I want to entertain the notion of having a kid in the future.  I want to be there for my family and be the best person I can be.  Even when I'm having a bad month (like this one!), I know that I can get back on the horse and keep going.  I'm so close to obtaining major goals.  What did he do?  People say the only good thing he did was make me.  I'd have to agree with them.

I will jog, but I will not become obsessive.
I will eat protein, but I will not eat 6 eggs per day.
I will build strength, but I will not try to be a jacked up bodybuilder.
I will eat treats when I want, but in moderation.
I will continue to stay away from cigarettes and drugs and only have a drink socially.
I will live a long healthy life with my husband and learn how to be the best person I can be, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

May Progress Numbers & Wrap Up

I'm not kidding when I say that May 2014 has been one of the most overwhelming months of my life.  I don't really want to get into too many details here, but life has just gotten crazy.  C-R-A-Z-Y.

In exciting news, I got a new job!  They called the Friday before Memorial Day and wanted me to start as soon as possible, so my last day at my current job was yesterday, June 5.  I was there for 2 years and 1 month.  This new job is going to be so much more convenient in so many ways.  I hope they appreciate me a lot more than my last job did...

Anyway, yeah.  My schedule is crazy now because I have to deal with a lot of issues with my grandmother, and I often don't eat dinner till 9 pm now.  I haven't done cardio at the gym in ages because I have no time.  I feel like I live in the car (with a broken AC two years in a row that costs way too much to fix).  I actually lost weight in May....yet, I ate really badly these past two days, so I need to cleanse my body (HI WATER AND VEGGIES WITH EVERY MEAL) and get back on track.

But for now, let's focus on May!

May weight loss:  4 pounds
2014 weight loss:  13 pounds
Total weight loss:   54 pounds

WOOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!  Let's hope I didn't screw that up these past couple days. I have a lot going on this weekend anyway, so I'll probably burn that diner chicken parm dinner off....WHAT, IT WAS DELICIOUS AND I TOOK HALF OF IT HOME EVEN THOUGH I HAD UNOS DEEP DISH PIZZA LAST NIGHT.

Sigh.  Let's look at some pictures!

I never had a chance to get my husband to do the normal pictures, and I didn't feel like digging for my jeans.  But these drawstring capris have really gotten loose since 2012, and I see just how much looser the shirt is as well.  Sorry for the awkwardness, but it's the only full length mirror in the house.

Not one of my typical shots (dirty mirror and no bra? So hot), but I thought it was worth documenting (especially when comparing it to January) .  

Being able to try on a dress over my pants in the Forever 21 dressing room?  Amazing.

Of course I bought it, are you crazy??  All hail bright colors!  

Oh hey, just lost 52 POUNDS and am in my favorite denim skirt and Twin Peaks shirt!

Finally able to wear this peplum top I got last year and my stretchy black pencil skirt from 5 years ago.

Mostly selfies this month.  Isn't our bedroom wall color spectacular?

Right before my interview...I was scared to death.  Please note this is my lucky blazer, as I wore this to the interview of my last job.  

Full interview outfit.  Went a little more conservative with my nail color and covering tats just in case.  I'll see just how relaxed a place it is in that regard on Monday!  Really freakin nervous, BTW.

Clothes from the past couple years hanging off me.

I will wear these shorts to run to the supermarket or something now.  A miracle.  But running in them?  NO.

Seriously, I don't have to tilt the camera anymore, and my glasses are large on my face, and my collarbone is really starting to be revealed, and I'm just so not used to this...I'm thrilled, but it's just so weird!

You know what?  This was the motivation I needed to be active and eat well this weekend.  Here's hoping the new job isn't as sedentary as the last one.  I need a new battery for my FitBit, and we'll see what happens!  

I really would like to post more, hopefully life will start calming down in a couple weeks.  Hopefully I'll get to the 2009 Weight Watchers plateau number soon (2 more pounds), and then I'll be so freakin close to a humongous goal.  Seriously though, this is the most weight I've ever lost in my life.  I CAN DO THIS.  I want nothing more than to be able to do this!  I have to keep remembering that my health and fitness is a priority and not an afterthought.  

Stress Eating: Then and Now

I really don't feel like going into it, but I'm going through the second most stressful time period of my adult life right now.  Normally when I feel stress, I give in to comfort eating.  And ohhhh the comfort foods in my life...these are the foods I can't really have often otherwise I will turn into a ravenous monster and nom them all down.  Let's list them so they're just out there in the open:

-Fried chicken.  None of that breaded crap, FRIED.
-Stromboli.  You give me anything smothered with mozzarella and tomato sauce, and I'm a goner
-Chicken Parmesan.  The unhealthy versions that are fried and with pasta.
-Cheese fries.  They're oh so terrible and oh so delicious.
-Pastry.  Cake, donuts, cinnamon buns, my cupcakes....evil.
-Pasta.  I could live on pasta with any kind of sauce or veggie or meat.  Unfortunately, it lives on my ass.
-Herrs Cheese Curls.  I will eat three servings in a blink of an eye, and that's the calorie equivalent of a meal.
-Soft Pretzels.  Worst thing in the world for me to eat.  Why are they so delicious?  So Philly.

These are my special treats.  I don't deny myself, but I REALLY have to watch myself around them.

I have been eating weirdly these past couple weeks.  I have been trying to integrate my every-meal-vegetable, but I've often been skipping meals.  Then I've been making up for it calorie-wise in one huge dinner.  So while my caloric numbers aren't tipping too terribly, I've been balancing the food terribly.  And while the calories may be within range, the fat hasn't been.  I'm trying to look at the whole picture here, and I'm trying to cleanse myself this week.  I'm going to be eating dinner at really strange late hours, but I have to make them light meals with a good post-work snack.

I was so proud of myself for not giving in to stress and even not wanting to eat.  But then, of course, it catches up.  And I didn't make the best decision for both dinners this weekend....

KFC.  Kentucky Fried Chicken.  I don't even like it that much, but it's fried chicken.  My stomach is still begging for mercy and trying to expunge everything.  Yet, I had it 2 days in a row.  Allow me to quote the movie So I Married An Axe Murderer regarding the love/hate relationship I have with Colonel Sanders.

  (I made that myself...I'm so proud)

It was good.  Not great.  I've had better.  I had a few potato wedges and tons of chicken.  They also have a deal where they give you a free chocolate or lemon pound cake if you get the 10+ piece bucket.  Yeah, so I also had half a slice each night.  It wasn't that great.  If my husband won't touch it, I'm throwing it out.

Now my body is retaining salt.  If I could prick a hole in my body and let all that retention shoot out, I so would.  Did I mention I had a Mountain Dew and barely drank water?  Add that brominated vegetable oil to the above list....

I just want to scream.  I know backsliding is inevitable, but how did I think that was a good idea for 2 days?!  I've been physically active those two days, but STILL!  

I need to make a plan.  I need to keep my body healthy during this stressful time period otherwise I'm going to destroy my health and sanity in so many ways.

My weight gain came flying back when my mother died in December 2010.  I'm not going to let this current stress affect me the same way.  I can't.  I've come too far and worked too hard and feel too good.  I need emotional support around me.  My husband and best friends are amazing, but I really do need to know that I can get through this extremely rough patch without sabotaging myself.  If you could shoot me a positive vibe right now, that would be extremely lovely.

Thanks everyone for reading, as always.  

April Progress and Wrap Up: Milestones!

This April has been pretty awesome.  The numbers haven't exactly been stellar, but that all changed as soon as the month ended...

On May 1, 2014, I officially was DOWN 50 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Oh joy, oh rapture!!!!!!  

I have never reached that number in my life.  And as my coworker pointed out, I'm more than halfway to my first major goal.  I'm only 44 pounds away now.  I will still be at an overweight number at that goal, but I'll be able to reevaluate my goals and focus completely on health, fitness, and toning, rather than numbers.  

Seriously, just hitting Onederland is going to be the most exciting day ever.  So close!!  In just 6 pounds, I will be at the number I plateaued at during my Weight Watchers time.  Basically, in 7 pounds, the game will be completely changed.  I already know I can do this.  

I'm nervous that this was water weight that will come back on, but I'm faithfully following what my trainer is advising me in terms of diet.  I've been having a rough week (as you will see in my next pictures), so I haven't been big on exercise.  However, we walked 10 miles in NYC last weekend on our anniversary, and I even ran with luggage in heels at one point.  So, yeah, I'd say I'm definitely getting better.

On that note, I reached another goal:  I can now do a 15:41 minute mile!!  Sounds slow as crap, I know, but I've been over 16 minutes for a year now.  With the proper playlist encouraging me, my speed increased and my body is getting used to this change.  I'm only able to run (RUN!) at the 4.2 mph speed for about 5 minutes, but it's a start.  I remember when I couldn't even jog for more than 5 minutes last year.  I'm monitoring my heart rate while I do this since my father died of a heart attack while jogging at 38 years old, and I refuse to go down that path.  Sure, I'm not a smoker, drug addict, or yo-yo dieter, but I still have those genetics, and I'm not going to over stress my body.

Numbers!

April weight loss:  about 1 pound

Total weight loss:  49 pounds

Nothing exciting yet...I think I start really accomplishing number goals when the weather gets warmer.  It's interesting.  

Pictures!

Confused about the pink axe?  Refer to my recent post.  It's been a doozy of a week.  (and seriously, you can skip most of the post and go right to the gifs, haha.)

Those jeans are being yanked on and off without having to undo the button or zipper.  I can't wait till they become my Bill Hader as Clint Eastwood pants.

"I've had it up to here!"

Some more pictures from over the month...

I can wear strapless from Old Navy!  YAY!

I posted this pic on Twitter and got the Stacy London approval.  PROOF:

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR, right??

I thought I was getting sick after the wedding since my husband had the flu.  Turned out it was massive allergies, and I pumped my body full of meds for nothing.  BUT...I had to be healthy because I was about to get my brand new tattoo!

Last look at my bare left leg.

Right after he finished!  That black smudge is the ink, as he was still cleaning up.

My leg kinda swelled for awhile, but it was just ambushed with needles!  These are lyrics from the song Wicked Little Town (reprise) in the show Hedwig and the Angry Inch.  This show owns me, even moreso after having the pleasure of watching Neil Patrick Harris perform the 10 pm show on Broadway on 4/26.  My god.  I feel so optimistic.  It was a damn religious experience, but that's for a different blog.

The first time I broke a 16 minute mile.  I was in shock and beet red.

After Captain America...that t-shirt is officially loose, and I can wear my favorite denim miniskirt again.  Wish I had a better mirror other than the Regal Cinema, but I'm sure I'll be in that skirt all summer...

Trying to be positive.  Also really looking forward to a haircut (which I got right before the next pix).

Kicking off our wonderful 2nd anniversary weekend in NYC.  I'm still not used to seeing extra ink on my body.  Anyway, the dress is from Forever 21, aka my new favorite place to shop.  The texture on it is hard to read in the picture, but it's really a fabulous subtle design.

We saw Rocky the Musical, and Andy Karl was STELLAR.  I've never been so happy to have a fist in my face.  Been such a fan since '05.  The production was absolutely fabulous, and it didn't get as many Tony nominations as it should have.  GO SEE IT.  There is nothing more inspirational.  Never been so proud to be a Philly girl, too!  I have to get Gonna Fly Now among Rocky's soliloquy songs on my iPod already.  It's at the TKTS discount booth and there are discounts on broadwaybox.  Don't miss this!  I wish it a decent run.

I don't have any exciting pix from this one (it was late, and Katy Perry was at the show so there was plenty of backstage action), but I had to include it to encourage you all to go to my holy place of worship.

We saw Cabaret the next day.  The '98 revival has been revived after 10 years with Alan Cumming and Michelle Williams.  Alan was the original and definitive Emcee in this production, and he and Michael C Hall were the only two I didn't see (I saw the show 45 times beginning in late 2000).  I got myself all dolled up for the very first time.  I used to go to the show with bad hair, dye stained rock t-shirts, and jeans.  I used to be a terminally single retail bitch who was still finishing college and taking care of her parents.  Now, I'm married, in a much better job, and things are definitely much different on the family front.  This picture reflects just how much my life has changed, and I wept from the moment I stepped into the theatre.  Remember, I have lyrics from the song Maybe This Time tattooed on my back.  I don't take this stuff lightly.

On the left was our first anniversary.  On the right was our second.  20 lbs down on the left, just about 50 lbs down on the right.  It's kind of mind blowing.  Even my legs are throwing me...like one of our friends said last fall, "Dem gams!" but I don't think it truly hit me till this picture.  It also helps to have retro 1950's flair. :-)

I'm home.

I'm really excited for May.  I'm eating veggies with every meal, I'm going to be getting back into running (?!?!) once I put that pink axe down...I hope to start reaching more milestones soon!  Like Yoda said, "Do or do not, there is no try."  Damn right, jedi master.